Is it me, or is the world slowly going mad? Please note, this isn’t a rant … I’m not seething with suppressed rage or anything – I’m just bemused!

I got on the train at the very splendid new St Pancras station. I settled in, and listened to all the familiar making-you-feel-at-home announcements, including the one which boasted “our on-board buffet, serving a wide range of freshly-made sandwiches, sweet and savoury snacks and hot and cold drinks”.

Knowing I would have no time for lunch once I hit the hallowed streets of Nottingham, I decided to get ahead of myself and make use of said on-board buffet, so I dragged the dog through the intervening two carriages and planted myself in the queue.

My turn came, and the nice lady asked what I would like.

“What savoury things do you have?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, “we have some danishes, some muffins …”

“Err, could you tell me what savoury things you have?”

“Savoury? What do you mean by that?”

“Things that aren’t sweet.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like sandwiches perhaps.” (I thought it might help her maybe if I prompted her with another word from the announcement, since my use of the word “savoury” didn’t seem to be sparking anything.)

“Oh, we’ve only got one sandwich left, I’m afraid. It’s a chicken salad one.”

“That’s fine,” I said. “I’ll have that, thanks.”

“Would you like some crisps with that,” she asked. (Aha, so there are indeed more savoury things to be had upon these here shelves, I thought.)

My purchases duly purchased, I started my way back along the train, and nearly fell over laughing when I heard, broadcast loud and clear over the tannoy system:

“We would like to remind customers of our on-board buffet, which is now open for service, serving a wide range of freshly-made sandwiches, sweet and savoury snacks and hot and cold drinks!”

Hold on a cotton-picking moment! Hadn’t I just bought the last “freshly-made” sandwich? I did find myself wondering if she’d made the announcement again because she was so excited to have learnt the meaning of the word “savoury” after all these years!

But, dear readers, this is definitely not a rant. She was a truly lovely lady – in fact, the whole train staff were utterly lovely. They let me sit in First Class, brought me free tea and apple and cinnamon biscuits, and one of them even spent a longish time kneeling on the floor talking to Hugo.

Midland Mainline we love you!